(5 min. read)
We all have the certificate, maybe even the T-shirt ????, for a communication skills course successfully completed. We learned the ins and outs of active listening, questioning, providing feedback, and so much more.
Transformational coaches excel at communication skills adding their knowledge and application of emotional intelligence (EQ) into the mix. That is one critical way they produce results that only a transformational coach can deliver. They coach at their highest level so the client gets results at a much deeper level. Results like:
- Getting on a fast track to achieving their goals
- Becoming masters at producing results
- Turning ah-ha moments into transformational experiences
- Realizing a shift in who they are and how they perform
In an earlier article (link) we described the five elements of EQ . When you combine the elements of emotional intelligence, with masterful communication skills, you elevate your coaching conversations so that you are able to coach at a transformational level.
This month we will be sharing lessons we have learned about a powerful approach to coaching conversations that is unique in its delivery and the results it produces.
Self-Awareness – A self-aware coach modulates their communication style based on the needs of their client. No matter what communication style the client needs, the self-aware coach knows how to adapt to it. At times, your client needs leadership, silence, and accountability, at other times curiosity, fresh ideas, and more. Because you have done the work and know yourself so well, you instantly modify your approach and behavior to provide what your client needs from you at that moment.
Because you have helped your client become self-aware, you have a unique appreciation for how they communicate and what they need from you. You set aside your own needs in favor of an approach that maximizes your ability to connect with your client on the most productive level possible.
For example, if you are an inductive thinker and like the big picture first, but your client is a deductive thinker and wants to draw their own conclusions from events, you recognize that and communicate accordingly.
You would not start the conversation with a conclusion you have drawn, but through your questioning and feedback draw answers from the client so that they reach their own conclusion at their own pace. It maybe the conclusion you had reached a long time before, but it will be so much more meaningful to the client who was allowed to move through their own reasoning process in order to arrive at the same conclusion.
Self-Regulation – An emotionally intelligent coach understands and practices self-regulation in all aspects of their coaching conversations. They have learned how to respond appropriately when the client is anxious, disappointed, excited, fearful, or needs to veer off from the coaching agenda.
Most of all, your responses are appropriate: balanced and reflective of your ability to read people. You have developed an ability to sense how people are feeling and you enjoy using that skill, especially when communicating with your client.
For example, you have a client facing an issue you have coached others through many times. You are oh-so tempted to jump in with an opinion or tell the client how to proceed. Because you know how to self-regulate your response, you don’t do that. You hold back and let this client’s story play out.
Motivation – Transformational coaches love their work, and they find ways to stay excited about it. Their eagerness to use their skills is evident in all of their communications; your actions and words communicate an excitement about life. You know what motivates you and what doesn’t.
For example, you know that your motivation is having an impact on others when they ask you how you stay so positive. You know it is because you are living a life aligned with your values and who you genuinely are so, you have a unique perspective on how to encourage motivation in your clients.
Empathy – Empathy in a coaching setting is a hybrid of empathy in social settings. Responses you might give in a social setting, such as, “I am sorry that happened,” are often replaced in coaching with, “Why did that happen?” The goal of an empathetic response in a coaching setting is to acknowledge a challenge experienced by the client and then help them learn as many lessons as possible from the experience.
This is especially true when clients make a commitment to do something. As an accountability partner in the coaching process, the coach is keenly aware of any patterns of personal performance that habitually get in the way of meeting commitments. They are empathetic and at the same time discover what is really going on by using their questioning and feedback skills.
Social Skills – A coach who has excellent social skills is able to:
- Influence others
- Communicate effectively
- Build bonds and trust
- Lead when necessary
- Resolve conflict
Active listening is a crucial skill for coaches and anyone who wants to build their social skills. It is an active process that involves the ears cued to verbal signals and eyes cued to non-verbal signals and avoids making judgments. Coaches who excel at active listening keep an open mind and focus on the speaker so that the speaker feels like they are the only person in the room.
Coaches who practice active listening are careful to eliminate external noise from the environment and the internal noise from their own thoughts. They eliminate their own perceptions, biases, and attitudes. They know that coaching generally requires 80% listening and 20% talking.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, every individual knows themselves better than any coach ever will. But it takes a transformational coach applying well-known communication skills in a uniquely effective way to tease out that knowledge and gently dangle it in the client’s face until the client hears it, sees, it and internalizes it. That’s when the lightbulb goes off and the transformational shift in the client occurs. Coaching at a higher level so that clients realize results at a much deeper level.
This month we will be focusing on the unique combination of communication skills and EQ. As with all of the skills practiced by a transformational coach, they take communication skills to the next level. It is the unique application of coaching skills that allows the transformational coach to excel at their craft.
