Recognizing Transformational Moments

”I\’ll know it when I see it.” How often have you heard those words or used them yourself? But what if you don’t? What if you’re working with a coaching client who experiences a sudden insight or catches a glimpse of who they really want to be or where they want to go but don’t say anything? What will tip you off that your client has had an ah-ha moment?

At the beginning of the coaching relationship, the coach and client co-create a plan to close the gap between where the client is and where they want to go. At this time, before the real coaching begins, the client is still in their comfort zone. Oh, they may take a small leap or two and create some stretch goals, but their original plan is typically built upon where the client is at that moment with the information they have at that time.

If you have been coaching for a while you may recall clients who thought they were moving in a new direction by enlisting a coach only at some point to hear them say, “My goals just don’t excite me.” Why is that?

Look at the word thought. The last five letters (ought) will give you the answer. They were creating goals and taking action based on what they always have done… what they felt they ought to do and not what they wanted to do.

Most clients connect with a coach because they are dissatisfied with where they currently are. They may have a vague sense of what they want but as a plan develops, the oughts manage to take precedence. “I ought to change jobs.” “I ought to mend a relationship.” “I ought to live a more balanced life.”

Either their coach has not encouraged them to explore their dreams and desires more deeply or the fear that surfaces when they think of reaching for what they truly want prevents them from committing to goals and actions that will get them there.

The transformational coach is well aware of the difference between client oughts and wants. As the coaching engagement progresses, the transformational coach is always digging deeper, asking questions, and challenging the client to explore possibilities outside their comfort zone. And as they do, an incredible journey begins to unfold. Clients begin to question their “ought” goals as they:

Catch a glimpse of possibilities that never occurred to them before
Attempt to achieve a balance between their emerging wants and their values
Come to realize the actions and thoughts that hold them back
Attempt to adopt new behaviors and beliefs
Discover what works in their new world and what doesn\’t
Modify or recreate a plan for the future based on what they truly want from lifenot what they think they ought to be seeking.

Step two in our transformational coaching model, Recognize, is critical because the coach’s ability to spot ah-ha moments is the only way to help the client consciously acknowledge and absorb the learning and eventually integrate the transformation into their everyday beliefs and actions. Without that recognition, there are no breakthroughs, no shared ah-ha moments. The client’s transformational journey may start without you, and without you, it often sputters and dies. The client returns to their comfort zone and continues to do what they have always done.

As the transformational coach works with their client, the client’s comfort zone expands which causes a ripple effect within. Perhaps they see their values changing and realize the need to change their behaviors and their beliefs about themselves and the world around them. These realizations may have a profound effect on how they think and feel and this discovery can be quite unsettling at first.

Clients who come right out and share breakthroughs or shifts in how they are feeling are the exception. The feelings are too raw, unexpected, or scary and they keep them to themselves while trying to internalize them. These feelings of operating outside of their comfort zone can manifest themselves in many ways, and for you to help your client manage them you must first recognize them.

Look for:

A change in behavior. For example, missed commitments or missed coaching appointments
A growing lack of enthusiasm for the goals in their coaching plan
A defensive attitude about a situation
A story in which they portray themselves as a victim
A moment of silence or an emotional expression when a certain subject surfaces
A response such as “Well, now you’ve hit on something” or “I’ve never thought of it that way before.”

Transformational coaches use their questioning skills to go deeper, recognizing that this could possibly be a breakthrough moment for their client. They probe, not to make it uncomfortable, but to expose the possibility of a new realization for their client. The coach integrates this realization into the coaching discussion and encourages the client to explore it further, look for ways in which it will benefit the client, and consider how it might be put into action.

Reflect on the work you’ve done with your clients. How did a change in your clients’ thinking patterns first emerge? Did you recognize that something had shifted? Did the client send you a signal? Going forward, be mindful of the client’s behavior in a whole new way…always aware of the possibility that they are experiencing a transformational moment. Something in the coaching process has triggered the ought self to step aside and the curtain on their ideal self to be lifted. They catch a glimpse of what can be… of what they want to be.

Left to their own devices it would most likely be an opportunity lost. But with the help of a coach who anticipates the shift and recognizes it as it happens, the client becomes aware of the possibility of transformation. With you at their side, they can bring the ah-ha moment into the light, examine it, and see it as an opportunity for genuine transformation.

Next week we will discuss Managing the transformational process.

Thanks for reading!