The first of our 12 Principles of Transformational Coaching ™, found in The Little Book of Big Coaching Secrets, is Know Yourself and Know Your Client. It is a lesson on how and why transformational coaches must know themselves and their clients inside and out. The successful transformational coach is extremely self-aware and possesses a high level of emotional intelligence. What is self-awareness? How can it benefit you? And how do you go about becoming a more self-aware person?
Self-awareness is the habit of paying attention to the way you feel, think, and behave. Look for patterns in the way you process certain situations and how you perceive what happens. Try to understand your moods and emotions and remain curious about your feelings. You can also pay attention to how you tend to act and behave in certain situations and note how you normally respond.
Here are five key reasons to increase your self-awareness.
Improved Moods
Your mood reflects how you are thinking and feeling at any given moment. If you are thinking of something sad, you begin to feel sad, and your motivation disappears. On the other hand, if you think about something enjoyable and exciting, you tend to be happy and motivated and feel as though you can conquer anything life throws at you.
When you are aware of how you are thinking and make an effort to think more positively, you begin to notice that you are more outgoing, happier, and see the glass half full. If you want to improve your moods and be happier, try thinking happy thoughts. Try to be more optimistic and see things from a positive light rather than a negative one. It may not be easy, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Effective Communication
With increased self-awareness, you are better able to articulate your values and beliefs. You know exactly what you believe and why. You are not trying to mimic what others ask you to believe; you have your own judgments, views, and ideas. With increased confidence in your beliefs and your values, your assertiveness grows. That is not to say that you fail to listen to others or fail to be open-minded to their ideas. If you are properly self-aware, you acknowledge you don’t know everything and are always open to learning.
Better Relationships
We all know that relationships can be challenging. However, when you have a high level of self-awareness, you can choose to maximize your strengths and temper your weaknesses to accommodate others and enhance your relationships.
Consider how much frustration and disappointment you can avoid when you know what you are looking for in a friend or a partner. If you know exactly what you want, then you readily recognize those who do not line up with your expectations and may not be a good fit for you.
Relationships with clients can also benefit from your self-awareness. Not only can you quickly assess whether or not the coach/client partnership will flourish, but you can also tell when a client is not exercising self-awareness and adjust your coaching to help them get on the path to self-awareness.
Better Decision Making
Poor decision making often occurs when your mind is clouded and you are not thinking straight. When you are self-aware, you will know when you are not thinking clearly, and will wait before reacting or making certain decisions. When you can wait, calm down, and think about the situation you are facing, you make better decisions.
Increased Productivity
When you lack effort or commitment, you will notice that you begin to struggle to work and find that you are getting in your own way. When you see that you are struggling to work, it is usually due to certain moods, thoughts, or emotions that are barriers to progress. Once you can recognize this, you will be able to work past it and clear your head to perform better.
Increasing Your Self-Awareness
The first step in increasing self-awareness is acknowledging that you want and need to become more self-aware. You don\’t have to be a rocket scientist to do it; you just need to devote time to introspection, listen and accept feedback, improve your communication skills, and ultimately be honest with yourself and other people. As you practice these skills, you will grow in self-awareness and become a better friend, partner, boss, employee, parent, and confidante.
Self-awareness is all about you, though it can benefit others as well. When faced with conflict, try not to focus on what you believe is wrong with others. Use your self-awareness to look inside and assess the role you may have played in the situation. Use your communication skills to obtains others’ perspectives and evaluate all the facts before reacting. Managing your reactions is a huge step in mastering self-awareness.
To improve your self-awareness, consider the following questions. We suggest you use a journal to record your thoughts.
- Who am I really?
- Of what am I most proud?
- Do I love myself? Take care of myself well?
- What am I most grateful for?
- What are my strengths and weaknesses?
- What is the most important thing in my life?
- List all the things you have power to change about yourself. What would you like to change?
- What interferes with your joy and contentment?
- Are my relationships satisfying or sabotaging me?
- What are my regrets?
- What do I need more of?
- What do I want to eliminate from my life?
- Am I living my purpose?
- Do I sabotage myself?
- Do I find my career fulfilling?
- What is my biggest goal? What is standing in my way of achieving it?
- From where do I draw support?
- Am I at peace within myself? If not, what is missing?
Where do I focus my energy and attention when I feel stressed out or overwhelmed? Reflecting on many if not all of these questions will greatly increase your self-awareness. As you review your answers, consider ways in which you can improve your effectiveness as a coach.