Intentional living means living your most fulfilling life and being your best self each day. People struggle to develop this mindset. We live in a world where the norm is to feel rushed, pressured, stressed out and perpetually distracted. This is exactly why intentional living is more important than ever.
Intentional living means staying grounded and in control. It means not allowing external influences or distractions to sidetrack or throw you off course. It\’s a mindset that keeps you decisive, purposeful, and calm, rather than allowing the difficulties and distractions of life to sabotage your greatness.
When you understand and consistently live your core beliefs, values, and purpose, you are said to be living intentionally. It is the opposite of living passively, where you live your life at the whim of external circumstances rather than tapping into your inner strengths to overcome hardship, setbacks, and distractions.
There are several strategies a transformational coach uses to help their clients take control of life and live with intention.
Identify the “ideal” self. What is our “Ideal” self? The ideal self is a psychological concept introduced in the 1960s by Donald Winnicott an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst. His work in identifying both the ideal self and the real self is a cornerstone of modern intentional coaching. (Case Western Reserve, Weatherhead School of Management, “Conversations That Inspire, Prof. R.E. Boyatzis.) The “ideal” self is based on what the client wants to do and is comprised of hope, a core identity, and a vision of what they want in the future. It is centered on autonomous motivation. Imagine your client living in a state of continuous motivation, unencumbered by behaviors of the past that have held them back.
Transformational coaches focus on uncovering the components of their client’s ideal self in the form of passions, dreams, aspirations, purpose, values, and beliefs, and by understanding what stage of life the client is in. They help them build a life and learning plan around the ideal self and know how to coach to it.
Identify the “real self” or “ought self.” An examination and understanding of the “real self” is part of the transformational coaching process. While it would be idyllic if we all lived as the ideal self, this is not the case. At best we live in the real self, aspiring toward becoming our ideal self.
When we live our life based on what we “ought” to do, not what we want to do, we are living the real self. In this stage, any positive growth or change that you observe in your client is only short-term because the change is centered on a controlled motivation. By that we mean that the rewards for living the real self are dictated by others. For example, work and get paid. Do this favor and please someone other than yourself.Sell more to get your boss off your back.
This ought/real self is controlled by others and encourages us to conform to the norms and values imposed by others. Throughout our lives, parents, teachers, clergy, bosses, peers, friends, and outside sources such as social media steer us toward living our real or ought self. To stop this cycle, coaches must help their clients to reflect on what feeds this desire to please others at the clients’ personal expense.
Conduct a life audit. When clients are in touch with their ideal self, there is an obvious sense of positivity within them. If this is not apparent to you then probe further and help the client peel away the layers of the ought self they have amassed over time.
Take a holistic approach to your client’s coaching plan that looks at all aspects of their life and how they are currently performing. A coach may be engaged to help a client with a performance issue only to find that the client is perfectly able to perform (the real self) but is struggling because of ideal life issues, i.e., relationships are being neglected due to career demands. The issue isn’t performance at all but a strong conflict between the “ideal self” and the “real self.”
Helping your clients audit their life and take stock of their current situation can result in a realization that needs to be addressed immediately. They may discover that their current situation will not sustain their purpose or allow for advancement toward the ideal self..
Deciding to make a fresh start is a courageous and extremely empowering step. In fact, it may turn out to be the best decision of your client’s life. Starting anew means creating new goals or a new life course because the old ones no longer serve. Reflection helps the client face big life changes such as a career change or moving to another town or city.
Help clients get in touch with their inner compass. Helping your clients examine and live in alignment with their core values and beliefs fuels a client’s purpose and determination. Values and beliefs serve as a framework to live within and to make important decisions. They include religious and political orientations, cultural loyalties, and personal ethics/morals. These form a powerful inner compass keeping clients on course and true to themselves, enabling them to live with intention. Living with intention becomes much easier when following this inner compass. Staying true to themselves empowers clients to make better choices and decisions, overcome hurdles and setbacks, and stay on course with their goals.
Plan with Intention. Creating a plan with goals for the future should come after you and your client have had a chance to get to know one another, have taken the time to better understand what challenges the client is facing, and what their “ideal self” might look like. Otherwise, your client’s plan will be based on their current reality not the ideal reality they want to create.
Transformational coaches are a catalyst for intentional change, so when you and your client create the coaching plan, it should foster continuous learning. You do that by using a learning process within your regularly scheduled coaching sessions. Through your questioning and feedback skills you keep the client on the path toward the ideal self they have previously identified. Change is expected, fostered, supported, and managed by the transformational coach.
Every coaching sessions is a chance to initiate a process of lifelong learning that will enrich your client’s mind, open doors to new opportunities and help them move from success to success. Lifelong learning and personal growth are important pillars of intentional living. It\’s a simple equation. Good planning equals good outcomes.
While long and short-term SMART goals are included in a coaching plan, the transformational coach makes sure the client is clear on the “why” behind each goal. Knowing why they want to achieve a goal is different than knowing the desired outcome. It means clearly understanding why the desired outcome is important. For example, will it benefit you financially or help you advance in your career? Will it bring you closer to your goals and purpose? Is it to initiate a specific change in your life?
Reflecting on the why lets our brain grasp and digest our goals as something important. It creates a higher level of motivation, guides our actions, and produces innovative solutions and creative ways to achieve our outcomes. That is the power of thoughts and more specifically, the power of intentional thoughts.
Planning with intention lays the foundation for client success. It’s hard to go wrong when your client knows the why, arms themselves with all they need, and stays on top of their priorities.
When you incorporate these strategies for helping clients live with intention, you\’ll notice an amazing change in how your client behaves and responds to external situations. That\’s the power of intentional living.
Would you like to become a transformational coach with the process and skills to change lives? Then you need a transformational process! We are offering a certification in the Best Year Yet® process in September 2022. Seats are limited. If you are interested, please visit the Certification page on our website for more information.
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